Friday, January 18, 2008

The Lady speaks...

This is an older piece I wrote around the time I started gearing up to have The Poly Conversation with Apollo. Not all of it is as applicable now as it was, but it's still very much me.

"I cannot name this,
cannot explain this.
And I really don't want to -
just call me shameless.
Can't even slow it down,
let alone stop it.
I keep looking around,
but I cannot top this." - "Shameless", Ani Difranco

That's how it is, except I am going to name and explain as much as I can. My vagina has started talking, and she's not willing to shut up and play nice. It's a little (more than a little) worrisome. She wants to say her piece:
I have a vagina, labia major and minor, and a clitoris, to my gynecologist. In bed, in my private life, I have a cunt. I do not have a pussy, however catlike she may be. I have a cunt and she's strong and hungry and passionate and delicate. She bruises easily, but is not easily quenched. She's insatiable, and proud of it (I am not always proud of it. I find it annoying, especially when I have a partner who's too tired most days to give her satisfaction.). She likes masturbation and clitoral play, but craves penetration - her muscles cry out for something to grasp. Clitoral orgasms please, but leave her wanting more. Penetration-induced orgasms wear her out and wring her dry - and she needs that. She pouts - a lot - when she's denied for too long. And once she's pouting, masturbation won't cut it - it'll make it worse. She's selfish - oh, she's so selfish. Her mantras are, "Take me!" and "Again!" and "Hold still - deep!". My cunt knows she's beautiful, tight and desirable. She knows that she can ripple exquisitely along a cock and evoke pleasure. She comes easily, but tires slowly. One orgasm doesn't begin to quell her. She usually aches afterwards, sometimes severely, but that doesn't stop her from wanting it just as badly the next day. Her desire is often strongest when she's bleeding. She resents our white sheets with all her heart - and resents the blowjobs Apollo sometimes gets when he's horny during this time. She can't be happy for him, or even for herself with his generous efforts at manual stimulation - she's been disappointed, and she's like a child - she doesn't grok in fullness. So she pouts afterwards and makes Apollo sad. Despite all her selfishness and childishness and needyness, she's also shy. She'll complain loudly to me, but she won't initiate anything unless the situation is truly desperate. She wants to be pursued, taken, claimed, rather than be the pursuer. She hates the idea of having sex less frequently to increase the intensity of each instance. She admits it can be so, but absolutely maintains that it's better to walk around in a pleasantly satisfied state than one of intense, noticeable desire just for the sake of making it better (I agree with her here - it's MUCH better not to have her complaining all the time. Much.). It's good enough, better than good enough as is, she says. She wonders, sometimes, what other cocks are like. She's had lots of fingers and tongues, but only one cock. She doesn't really expect that they'd be better, but she doesn't know. She thinks, though, that if things go right, someday in the far future, she might get to know. She frequently considers and rejects the idea of an insertable toy. She just can't believe that it'll be able to get her off via penetration, and she does well enough w/ clitoral stimulation on her own (besides...I don't have the money). She also has a tendency to yell very loudly when she's in bed with Apollo, and he's too tired, and she hasn't gotten any in approaching a week. Seriously. She doesn't like to let me sleep when there's a male body next to me, and she's feeling Really Deprived.
So, yes. Not a pussy, only clinically a vagina - I've got a real cunt between my legs.

Several things have changed since then -
Apollo has more energy, more frequently, to give her what she Craves.
She's become acquainted with other cocks, and has realized that they're as wonderful and individual as Apollo's.
She has become acquainted with another woman's cunt, and found her a kindred spirit.
She now has a toy, which she enjoys, though she still prefers a lover to the cool glass.
She's gotten even more curious and adventurous with regard to exploring the worlds of kink and power exchange, though she hasn't had a chance to to much in this area yet.

She's so much fun - I love my luscious, lascivious, lusty, lovely cunt!

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