Thursday, January 10, 2008

When the Moon is in the seventh house...

...and Jupiter aligns with Mars...
Ok, no "Age of Aquarius" here. No more, in all probability, of Jupiter aligning with Mars (Jupiter is my ruling planet, btw). In the wake of my amazing week in College Town, I think I'm getting closer to defining What Is Enough For Sex. It has to do with the DragonCat/Mars difference. That feeling of comfort, of safety. As much as I may like Mars, and objectively trust him, and even want him (though, I'm a little ashamed to say, now that the novelty's gone, I don't even want him so much), I don't get that easy feeling of comfort and safety. Of being absolutely OK as I am, cherished for who I am. I get that from all my Murfreesboro/Nashville lovers. I get that from Apollo. The thing that makes it significant that I feel that from/for DragonCat is that I don't know him that well. I can't tell you his favorite movies or what music he likes (ok, he does like Ween. I know that much), or if he has any food allergies. So, I'm wondering if what makes it "enough" is that feeling of ease and comfort and safety, rather than any specifics of number of dates or time knowing the person or deep, dark secrets shared. I mean, I don't think I'd fuck a stranger simply because he exuded this feeling...but I think this may need to become a primary criterion. Which may well mean ending things (sexual things, at least) with Mars soon. Hmm.

And now I'm thinking about that 17th century poem (by Donne?) that talks about "sublunary love" and all the perils thereof. For, "everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the Moon" to quote a twentieth-century poet.

And love is difficult to navigate. And sex is a thorny issue (screw them roses, though!). But I think that there is too much good, comfortable (within myself - not painless, not without the broadening of conceived limits and horizons, but comfortable in myself), thoroughly pleasing sex in my life to deal with or have sex that makes me unsure of myself or feel in the least unsatisfied or uncertain. This doesn't (necessarily) contradict the Ecclesiastical Theory of Sex:
(A time for spiritual sex
and a time for carnal sex.
A time for girl sex,
and a time for boy sex.
A time for fun and pleasure,
and a time for connection.
A time for power exchange,
and a time for equality.
A time for bondage
and a time for embracing.
A time for masturbation,
and a time for threesomes.
...etc.)
This just means that I should be thoroughly comfortable with my partner and with being wholly myself around my partner for all these types of sex. Even if it's just (just! Ha!) fun and pleasure, there's no reason I should be less than fully confident in who I am or that I should feel uncertain about being accepted for me, limits, requests, kinks, neuroses and all.
So. I still need to write my story about Mars, but it will probably be post-relationship. That's ok, though. There are beautiful boys (and girls!) with whom I connect and am safe. And that's more than good enough for me.

2 comments:

ariel? ariel! said...

The ecclesiastical theory of sex = genius!

Hi there! I am excited to read your blog and more about your adventures. I think what you say about learning to be comfortable with yourself is really powerful + important -- and so hard. Definitely it is something I struggle with.

Joy said...

Ariel -
Hee! I'm glad you liked it. I tend to be ecclesiastical with regard to most things I love passionately.
Yes...it is. Learning and *accepting* what you genuinely are comfortable with, not conforming to _anyone_'s standards about what you Should be comfortable with - not even your own. It's interesting, and difficult.
I'm glad you've found my blog and are enjoying - do you mind if I link to yours?